Mixed thoughts and emotions...

Over the last few days I have been trying to process and put together words to somehow express my thoughts.  I've come to the conclusion that it will be impossible to put them into any fashion of a blog form, but I will do my best.

Those of you that know me well, know that I have lived in this area for over 20 years now. (BOY..time flies!!!) For the last (almost) 8 years, Christ Community has been my church home. Anyone that has watched the news over the last couple days has no doubt heard the tragic story of what the Chapman family has experienced. This beautiful family also calls Christ Community "home". Over the last 5 years, one of my best friends and I have had the blessing of being a part of the journey toward Christ for various 3, 4, and 5 yr old Sunday School classes. In doing so, we were blessed to also have 2 of Steven and Mary Beth's 3 youngest girls in our class. Though Maria Sue wasn't a direct part of the class that I co-teach, she WAS placed in the class just this year…so she could be with her sister, Stevey Joy. It goes without saying, that when I received a phone call from a friend from church Wednesday evening regarding what had taken place, to say my heart broke would be a complete and total understatement.

It became a constant as a topic of conversation, I suppose as a release of emotion, and in an attempt to understand what had taken place. Maybe if it's talked about, it will become more clear as to the "why's". Maybe it will make more sense if it is continued to be talked about. Maybe the hurt will be less if I talk to just one more person. Maybe…or maybe not.

You aren't supposed to ask "why"… but I did.  It isn't for us to demand answers, and I found myself doing so. These things all sound "right", but when you walk through something overwhelming...you begin to see that there IS a time for mourning and anger.  God desires us to be honest with Him.  It isn't for us to know the bigger picture, but at the same time, it is for us to trust and have faith. Yet, my heart is full of anger. Not an anger toward God, but toward the "fall of man". Death and it's ugly stench were not in the original "blue print", or plan of God. Death is not natural, and yet, because of sin, it is now a part of our world as we know it. But, even more ugly and cruel is the untimely death of a child. A parent should never know the sorrow and grief of burying their child. But, once again, it isn't for us to understand the ultimate plan of God.

The whole of our church body is in a state of grief. There are unanswered questions, and yet we know, and rest in the promise and assurance that God is a God of grace. Our pastor put it this way today…God's grace is fully encompassing. Through Him we have our SAVING grace, (Because of Jesus, we have the hope of eternity.) SANE-ing grace and SUSTAINING grace, (Through our Lord we are given peace and comfort beyond measure.) and finally we have SUFFICIENT grace. (We may, in fact, we WILL have to walk through extremely hard situations…but His grace WILL carry us, and is sufficient for our needs.)

Do I even pretend to understand why a little 5 yr old girl was called home to Jesus literally a week after her birthday? No. Can I answer why a family that seems to have walked in such obedience to God's will, and has lived and loved so many so well would have to endure what the Chapman's are walking through right now? No. But maybe, just maybe it will have something to do with a little girl's legacy being so strong, even at 5 yrs old. Hearing story after story about this sweet, precious little girl, during the Memorial Service/Funeral yesterday, none resonate stronger than what her older sister, Emily shared. When calling home to share that she had just been proposed to by her boyfriend/fiance', of the 3 girls, Maria was the only one to ask an extremely poignant and "grown-up" question while on the phone.  In her little 5 yr old voice, Maria asked, "So, what'd you say?"  Emily then shared that once she FINALLY got home to rejoice and celebrate with her family in person about the engagement, after the hugs and kisses, Maria again asked the same question, "I know he asked you to marry him. So…what'd you say?" Both times, Emily answered, "Of course I said yes, you silly girl." But after reflecting on these conversations, and trying to put everything into perspective, Emily said that she felt, even at her young age, Maria "got it". Just as Emily was a bride-to-be that had been proposed to, she answered yes to her future Bridegroom, Tanner.  Emily ended her thoughts by saying, "Greater still, we are chosen to be the bride of Christ, so I challenge you all with the words of my dear, sweet sister…so, what'd you say?"

Even in her death, may Maria's memory and legacy be honored by bringing many others to "life"…ETERNAL life.   May this horrific accident not be in vain.  May God have His way!!  My prayer is that I have in no way trivialized anything, or made it sound like everything is "ok". I would implore all that read this to continue to pray for this precious family. Pray specifically for Maria's brother. May he be able to somehow, someway see, and more importantly FEEL the grace, mercy, and love of God in all of this.

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."  Genisis 50:20 

Indeed..."Satan may "roar" at times, but our Lord reigns supreme, and ALWAYS has the victory!"

I just realized it had been so long since my last blog.  Sorry it has been a bit since I've last "checked in".  I've said it before, but...I just don't want to "blog" for the sake of blogging.  My prayer is that the words that are written here will speak encouragement...or maybe challenge.  They certainly serve as a personal reminder of all the Lord has shown me.

Just recently I read something that reminded me of how off-focus we get.  Obviously, to make ourselves presentable, there is a need for mirrors.  If we didn't have mirrors, we would leave with hair undone, maybe toothpaste on our face, or us girls would not be able to make sure that "all important" make up was put on evenly.  Yet, at the same time, there is the need for windows.  We need to have windows to bring in the light and warmth.  We need windows to remind us of the beauty that is all around us.

At the same time we need SPIRITUAL mirrors and windows.  We need the mirror on our life to show us what we need to work on.  It helps us to see the areas that need to be cleaned up, if you will.  BUT...the trouble lies when we dwell TOO long looking in the mirror.  We get self-absorbed and self-focused.  (and that can be in a good or bad way)  We can look at ourselves to the point we no longer see the beauty that God created in AND around us.  Meaning, we can look at ourselves so long that we neglect and forget the beauty that lies all around us.  The view that a window provides is necessary to provide that balance of yes, seeing the "ugly" and "dirt" in us that needs cleansing, but that we are still beautifully, fearfully, and wonderfully made by being able to see the glory in ALL that our God has created...if that makes sense.

Mercy and Grace to you all...

What is Laminin?

Laminin. Have YOU ever heard of it? It was a word that didn't mean anything to me up until the past Saturday evening. I had never heard of it, let alone knew what it was.  What IS Laminin? Oh, I know…it's that thing that people wear around their neck that holds nametags, special identification for conferences or meetings, etc. Nope. Those would be lanyards. What about when you use a machine that puts that plastic stuff over paper to make it seemingly indestructible, and keeps the paper from fraying? Wrong again. That would be laminATE. Give up? Ok…let me tell you. First of all, let me explain how the definition of this word came about. A couple friends and I recently helped out at a Chris Tomlin Concert. For those of you who have seen Chris in concert, you know you are in for a treat, because you also know you will more than likely be hearing Louie Giglio speak. If you have NOT had the opportunity to see Chris in concert, I HIGHLY recommend going if you do get the chance. I guarantee, you WILL be blessed.

I had the opportunity to hear Mr. Giglio speak a couple years ago during GMA Week, and walked away "wowed". And, Saturday night was no different. We have no doubt all heard the (in my opinion) most beautiful Psalm that David wrote, Psalm 139. "We are fearfully and wonderfully made." Allow me to dig even deeper into what this truly means. I will admit that as a high school, and even as a college student, I had really no interest in maintaining a lot of the knowledge that I would be hearing in my biology and science classes. Now, I wish I had paid more attention. We all (for the most part) understand that our bodies are made up of countless cells, and even more countless molecules…which make up our individual and unique DNA. Within our molecular make up, there these components called…you guessed it…Laminin. No big deal, right? Let's see what wikipedia has to say about Laminin, shall we? Here is their definition/description of Laminin.

Laminins are the major non-collagenous component of the basal lamina, such as those on which cells of an epithelium sit.[1] They are a family of glycoproteins that are an integral part of the structural scaffolding of basement membranes in virtually every animal tissue. Laminins are secreted and incorporated into cell-associated extracellular matrices.

Laminins form independent networks and are associated with type IV collagen networks via entactin, and perlecan. They also bind to cell membranes through integrin receptors and other plasma membrane molecules, such as the dystroglycan glycoprotein complex and Lutheran blood group glycoprotein.[1] Through these interactions, laminins critically contribute to cell attachment and differentiation, cell shape and movement, maintenance of tissue phenotype, and promotion of tissue survival

In other words, it's like the glue that holds every part of our body, from our membranes to our skin together.  Still not understanding where this is going, or what relevance this has in how truly amazing and awesome our God is? Let me show you 2 pictures of what Laminin looks like, and you will see firsthand the beauty of all of this.

http://www.zoology.ubc.ca/~alorch/ecm/gallery2.htm (as you scroll down, the diagram of laminin will be the 2^nd diagram shown)

http://www.nature.com/emboj/journal/v17/n2/fig_tab/7590751f6.html (this is an actual microscopic picture of laminin)

Oh, yeah…in case you didn't figure it out, or the link did not work for some reason, Laminin is in the shape of a cross.

There is one more thing I'd like to share. It's a verse that Louie actually closed with Saturday night.

"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by Him all things were created: things in Heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him. He is before all things, and IN HIM ALL THINGS HOLD TOGETHER."  - Colossians 1: 15-17

So...our bodies have all these little "things"in the shape of a cross that remind us of that one beautiful cross of all - the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Hopefully this will completely captivate you like it did me.  It baffles me to think that the Lord of everything takes such detail and delight in reminding us that we really ARE "fearfully and wonderfully made".

Mercy and grace to you all...

Provision...we as Christians are more than familiar with that word.  We believe and have faith that our God is Jehovah Jireh...God, our Provider.  We are reminded by the Apostle Paul in Phillipians 4 of this very thing.  Indeed, our God DOES supply (provides) for all of our needs.

We also tend to think that this is mainly speaking of monitary needs, food, or shelter.  Ahh...but, my friends, it goes way beyond that.   What about how He provides His grace and mercy at "just the right time"?  Or, how about those times when we are afraid, or worried, does He not provide His peace?  Those times when laughter will not come, and tears flow freely...does He not provide us with His joy and His compassion?  He knows exactly what we need at exactly the right time...not a minute too soon or too late.

I read something really neat and wanted to pass it on.  Why not take time to reflect on those times God's hand of provision was more than obvious?  Pick one specific time, and celebrate it...make an anniversary of it.  This is what the early Jewish holidays, such as Passover, were based on.  It will continually bring to mind the faithfulness of our God.  Just a thought...

Mercy and grace to you all...