Over the last few days I have been trying to process and put together words to somehow express my thoughts.  I've come to the conclusion that it will be impossible to put them into any fashion of a blog form, but I will do my best.

Those of you that know me well, know that I have lived in this area for over 20 years now. (BOY..time flies!!!) For the last (almost) 8 years, Christ Community has been my church home. Anyone that has watched the news over the last couple days has no doubt heard the tragic story of what the Chapman family has experienced. This beautiful family also calls Christ Community "home". Over the last 5 years, one of my best friends and I have had the blessing of being a part of the journey toward Christ for various 3, 4, and 5 yr old Sunday School classes. In doing so, we were blessed to also have 2 of Steven and Mary Beth's 3 youngest girls in our class. Though Maria Sue wasn't a direct part of the class that I co-teach, she WAS placed in the class just this year…so she could be with her sister, Stevey Joy. It goes without saying, that when I received a phone call from a friend from church Wednesday evening regarding what had taken place, to say my heart broke would be a complete and total understatement.

It became a constant as a topic of conversation, I suppose as a release of emotion, and in an attempt to understand what had taken place. Maybe if it's talked about, it will become more clear as to the "why's". Maybe it will make more sense if it is continued to be talked about. Maybe the hurt will be less if I talk to just one more person. Maybe…or maybe not.

You aren't supposed to ask "why"… but I did.  It isn't for us to demand answers, and I found myself doing so. These things all sound "right", but when you walk through something overwhelming...you begin to see that there IS a time for mourning and anger.  God desires us to be honest with Him.  It isn't for us to know the bigger picture, but at the same time, it is for us to trust and have faith. Yet, my heart is full of anger. Not an anger toward God, but toward the "fall of man". Death and it's ugly stench were not in the original "blue print", or plan of God. Death is not natural, and yet, because of sin, it is now a part of our world as we know it. But, even more ugly and cruel is the untimely death of a child. A parent should never know the sorrow and grief of burying their child. But, once again, it isn't for us to understand the ultimate plan of God.

The whole of our church body is in a state of grief. There are unanswered questions, and yet we know, and rest in the promise and assurance that God is a God of grace. Our pastor put it this way today…God's grace is fully encompassing. Through Him we have our SAVING grace, (Because of Jesus, we have the hope of eternity.) SANE-ing grace and SUSTAINING grace, (Through our Lord we are given peace and comfort beyond measure.) and finally we have SUFFICIENT grace. (We may, in fact, we WILL have to walk through extremely hard situations…but His grace WILL carry us, and is sufficient for our needs.)

Do I even pretend to understand why a little 5 yr old girl was called home to Jesus literally a week after her birthday? No. Can I answer why a family that seems to have walked in such obedience to God's will, and has lived and loved so many so well would have to endure what the Chapman's are walking through right now? No. But maybe, just maybe it will have something to do with a little girl's legacy being so strong, even at 5 yrs old. Hearing story after story about this sweet, precious little girl, during the Memorial Service/Funeral yesterday, none resonate stronger than what her older sister, Emily shared. When calling home to share that she had just been proposed to by her boyfriend/fiance', of the 3 girls, Maria was the only one to ask an extremely poignant and "grown-up" question while on the phone.  In her little 5 yr old voice, Maria asked, "So, what'd you say?"  Emily then shared that once she FINALLY got home to rejoice and celebrate with her family in person about the engagement, after the hugs and kisses, Maria again asked the same question, "I know he asked you to marry him. So…what'd you say?" Both times, Emily answered, "Of course I said yes, you silly girl." But after reflecting on these conversations, and trying to put everything into perspective, Emily said that she felt, even at her young age, Maria "got it". Just as Emily was a bride-to-be that had been proposed to, she answered yes to her future Bridegroom, Tanner.  Emily ended her thoughts by saying, "Greater still, we are chosen to be the bride of Christ, so I challenge you all with the words of my dear, sweet sister…so, what'd you say?"

Even in her death, may Maria's memory and legacy be honored by bringing many others to "life"…ETERNAL life.   May this horrific accident not be in vain.  May God have His way!!  My prayer is that I have in no way trivialized anything, or made it sound like everything is "ok". I would implore all that read this to continue to pray for this precious family. Pray specifically for Maria's brother. May he be able to somehow, someway see, and more importantly FEEL the grace, mercy, and love of God in all of this.

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."  Genisis 50:20 

Indeed..."Satan may "roar" at times, but our Lord reigns supreme, and ALWAYS has the victory!"