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Mixed thoughts and emotions...

Mon, 26 May 2008 15:28:54 GMT

Over the last few days I have been trying to process and put together words to somehow express my thoughts. I've come to the conclusion that it will be impossible to put them into any fashion of a blog form, but I will do my best.

Those of you that know me well, know that I have lived in this area for over 20 years now. (BOY..time flies!!!) For the last (almost) 8 years, Christ Community has been my church home. Anyone that has watched the news over the last couple days has no doubt heard the tragic story of what the Chapman family has experienced. This beautiful family also calls Christ Community "home". Over the last 5 years, one of my best friends and I have had the blessing of being a part of the journey toward Christ for various 3, 4, and 5 yr old Sunday School classes. In doing so, we were blessed to also have 2 of Steven and Mary Beth's 3 youngest girls in our class. Though Maria Sue wasn't a direct part of the class that I co-teach, she WAS placed in the class just this year…so she could be with her sister, Stevey Joy. It goes without saying, that when I received a phone call from a friend from church Wednesday evening regarding what had taken place, to say my heart broke would be a complete and total understatement.

It became a constant as a topic of conversation, I suppose as a release of emotion, and in an attempt to understand what had taken place. Maybe if it's talked about, it will become more clear as to the "why's". Maybe it will make more sense if it is continued to be talked about. Maybe the hurt will be less if I talk to just one more person. Maybe…or maybe not.

You aren't supposed to ask "why"… but I did. It isn't for us to demand answers, and I found myself doing so. These things all sound "right", but when you walk through something overwhelming...you begin to see that there IS a time for mourning and anger. God desires us to be honest with Him. It isn't for us to know the bigger picture, but at the same time, it is for us to trust and have faith. Yet, my heart is full of anger. Not an anger toward God, but toward the "fall of man". Death and it's ugly stench were not in the original "blue print", or plan of God. Death is not natural, and yet, because of sin, it is now a part of our world as we know it. But, even more ugly and cruel is the untimely death of a child. A parent should never know the sorrow and grief of burying their child. But, once again, it isn't for us to understand the ultimate plan of God.

The whole of our church body is in a state of grief. There are unanswered questions, and yet we know, and rest in the promise and assurance that God is a God of grace. Our pastor put it this way today…God's grace is fully encompassing. Through Him we have our SAVING grace, (Because of Jesus, we have the hope of eternity.) SANE-ing grace and SUSTAINING grace, (Through our Lord we are given peace and comfort beyond measure.) and finally we have SUFFICIENT grace. (We may, in fact, we WILL have to walk through extremely hard situations…but His grace WILL carry us, and is sufficient for our needs.)

Do I even pretend to understand why a little 5 yr old girl was called home to Jesus literally a week after her birthday? No. Can I answer why a family that seems to have walked in such obedience to God's will, and has lived and loved so many so well would have to endure what the Chapman's are walking through right now? No. But maybe, just maybe it will have something to do with a little girl's legacy being so strong, even at 5 yrs old. Hearing story after story about this sweet, precious little girl, during the Memorial Service/Funeral yesterday, none resonate stronger than what her older sister, Emily shared. When calling home to share that she had just been proposed to by her boyfriend/fiance', of the 3 girls, Maria was the only one to ask an extremely poignant and "grown-up" question while on the phone. In her little 5 yr old voice, Maria asked, "So, what'd you say?" Emily then shared that once she FINALLY got home to rejoice and celebrate with her family in person about the engagement, after the hugs and kisses, Maria again asked the same question, "I know he asked you to marry him. So…what'd you say?" Both times, Emily answered, "Of course I said yes, you silly girl." But after reflecting on these conversations, and trying to put everything into perspective, Emily said that she felt, even at her young age, Maria "got it". Just as Emily was a bride-to-be that had been proposed to, she answered yes to her future Bridegroom, Tanner. Emily ended her thoughts by saying, "Greater still, we are chosen to be the bride of Christ, so I challenge you all with the words of my dear, sweet sister…so, what'd you say?"

Even in her death, may Maria's memory and legacy be honored by bringing many others to "life"…ETERNAL life. May this horrific accident not be in vain. May God have His way!! My prayer is that I have in no way trivialized anything, or made it sound like everything is "ok". I would implore all that read this to continue to pray for this precious family. Pray specifically for Maria's brother. May he be able to somehow, someway see, and more importantly FEEL the grace, mercy, and love of God in all of this.

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genisis 50:20

Indeed..."Satan may "roar" at times, but our Lord reigns supreme, and ALWAYS has the victory!"

Monday, December 03, 2007

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 14:37:57 GMT

I just realized it had been so long since my last blog. Sorry it has been a bit since I've last "checked in". I've said it before, but...I just don't want to "blog" for the sake of blogging. My prayer is that the words that are written here will speak encouragement...or maybe challenge. They certainly serve as a personal reminder of all the Lord has shown me.

Just recently I read something that reminded me of how off-focus we get. Obviously, to make ourselves presentable, there is a need for mirrors. If we didn't have mirrors, we would leave with hair undone, maybe toothpaste on our face, or us girls would not be able to make sure that "all important" make up was put on evenly. Yet, at the same time, there is the need for windows. We need to have windows to bring in the light and warmth. We need windows to remind us of the beauty that is all around us.

At the same time we need SPIRITUAL mirrors and windows. We need the mirror on our life to show us what we need to work on. It helps us to see the areas that need to be cleaned up, if you will. BUT...the trouble lies when we dwell TOO long looking in the mirror. We get self-absorbed and self-focused. (and that can be in a good or bad way) We can look at ourselves to the point we no longer see the beauty that God created in AND around us. Meaning, we can look at ourselves so long that we neglect and forget the beauty that lies all around us. The view that a window provides is necessary to provide that balance of yes, seeing the "ugly" and "dirt" in us that needs cleansing, but that we are still beautifully, fearfully, and wonderfully made by being able to see the glory in ALL that our God has created...if that makes sense.

Mercy and Grace to you all...

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 20:38:21 GMT

It’s been a bit since my last blog. A lot of that is because I want to make sure that there is something worth sharing, and it isn’t just a typical “blog”. The other reason is simply that time got away from me.

Our pastors have started a new sermon series as of late, and it is proving to be beyond mind-blowing. We are walking through the book of Revelation. To me, this book has honestly held within it many unknowns, and with that…fear. Yet, if you look at what the word Revelation means, it literally means to unveil. In realizing this, our pastors have made a point of sharing that the unveiling in this book is encouraging. Why? Because it is a book of “Unveiled Hope”. (Hence, that is the title that has been chosen for this continuing sermon series.)

Within this book, there is also a lot of talk comparing the relationship of Christ to us, as His church. He is referred to as our Bridegroom, and we, as His bride. No doubt, that those who know me have heard me share of my awe and wonder of this love Christ has for us. WE are the pursued. Being the Bridegroom-to-be, it is HE that proposed to us!! It is HE that promises and pledges His eternal love to us.

This brings me to share something that I read just this morning in a friend’s blog. She was sharing that in a book that she read, it brought out the point that the Holy Spirit serves as our engagement ring. It is Christ’s seal and promise to us, and has marked us as His, just as an actual engagement ring would show others around that there is a commitment that has been made. The blog went on to say that when we choose to not allow the Holy Spirit to act in our lives, it is as serious as covering a ring with duct tape. The question was brought out…how would any man feel if the ring he gave the woman he loved was covered and masked so it would not be visible? Unthinkable, isn’t it?

This got my wheels turning. I am so guilty so many times of not sharing of my commitment to Christ. I put that ugly grey tape on my ring finger, and cover it up, acting as if I have something to hide…instead of something to be excited about, ,and share. I can’t relate to becoming engaged, or planning/getting married, or being married. BUT…I am a “girl”, and I would venture to say that EVERY girl out there has at least at one point in her life dreamed of what it would be like to be proposed to, and have that beautiful diamond placed on her finger. If you have experienced this, you know firsthand the excitement that it brings. I’ve been around enough girlfriends that HAVE gotten engaged, and have seen the gleam in their eyes, and heard the giggles and squeals. What is the first thing a girl “just engaged” longs to do?? Does she go quietly to her home, and go right to sleep, or would it be safe to say she grabs her cell phone, and quickly tries to determine which family member or friend to call first. Does she hide the sparkling piece of jewelry, or does she make attempts to make her left hand as obvious as she can? The answers, I think, are obvious. There is a bounce in the step. There is excitement in the voice. There is a “giddiness” that can only be described as “someone in love”. Why is it so hard for that same excitement to not be carried over into our relationship with our Lord…who is to be the ultimate “Love of our Life”? Do we think so little of our Bridegroom that we don’t want to introduce Him for everyone around us to “meet” and “know”?

Ok, so let me just close by saying that soon, we will be a part of THE wedding of weddings. The wedding reception will have a feast like you’ve never seen. And, girls, this is one wedding we won’t have to worry about simply being the “bridesmaid”. No. For our Bridegroom as chosen us, and we are not merely in the wedding party. Indeed, we will be His Bride.

Mercy and grace to you all.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 14:51:47 GMT

What is Laminin?

Laminin. Have YOU ever heard of it? It was a word that didn't mean anything to me up until the past Saturday evening. I had never heard of it, let alone knew what it was. What IS Laminin? Oh, I know…it's that thing that people wear around their neck that holds nametags, special identification for conferences or meetings, etc. Nope. Those would be lanyards. What about when you use a machine that puts that plastic stuff over paper to make it seemingly indestructible, and keeps the paper from fraying? Wrong again. That would be laminATE. Give up? Ok…let me tell you. First of all, let me explain how the definition of this word came about. A couple friends and I recently helped out at a Chris Tomlin Concert. For those of you who have seen Chris in concert, you know you are in for a treat, because you also know you will more than likely be hearing Louie Giglio speak. If you have NOT had the opportunity to see Chris in concert, I HIGHLY recommend going if you do get the chance. I guarantee, you WILL be blessed.

I had the opportunity to hear Mr. Giglio speak a couple years ago during GMA Week, and walked away "wowed". And, Saturday night was no different. We have no doubt all heard the (in my opinion) most beautiful Psalm that David wrote, Psalm 139. "We are fearfully and wonderfully made." Allow me to dig even deeper into what this truly means. I will admit that as a high school, and even as a college student, I had really no interest in maintaining a lot of the knowledge that I would be hearing in my biology and science classes. Now, I wish I had paid more attention. We all (for the most part) understand that our bodies are made up of countless cells, and even more countless molecules…which make up our individual and unique DNA. Within our molecular make up, there these components called…you guessed it…Laminin. No big deal, right? Let's see what wikipedia has to say about Laminin, shall we? Here is their definition/description of Laminin.

Laminins are the major non-collagenous component of the basal lamina, such as those on which cells of an epithelium sit.[1] They are a family of glycoproteins that are an integral part of the structural scaffolding of basement membranes in virtually every animal tissue. Laminins are secreted and incorporated into cell-associated extracellular matrices.

Laminins form independent networks and are associated with type IV collagen networks via entactin, and perlecan. They also bind to cell membranes through integrin receptors and other plasma membrane molecules, such as the dystroglycan glycoprotein complex and Lutheran blood group glycoprotein.[1] Through these interactions, laminins critically contribute to cell attachment and differentiation, cell shape and movement, maintenance of tissue phenotype, and promotion of tissue survival

In other words, it's like the glue that holds every part of our body, from our membranes to our skin together. Still not understanding where this is going, or what relevance this has in how truly amazing and awesome our God is? Let me show you 2 pictures of what Laminin looks like, and you will see firsthand the beauty of all of this.

http://www.zoology.ubc.ca/~alorch/ecm/gallery2.htm (as you scroll down, the diagram of laminin will be the 2^nd diagram shown)

http://www.nature.com/emboj/journal/v17/n2/fig_tab/7590751f6.html (this is an actual microscopic picture of laminin)

Oh, yeah…in case you didn't figure it out, or the link did not work for some reason, Laminin is in the shape of a cross.

There is one more thing I'd like to share. It's a verse that Louie actually closed with Saturday night.

"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by Him all things were created: things in Heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him. He is before all things, and IN HIM ALL THINGS HOLD TOGETHER." - Colossians 1: 15-17

So...our bodies have all these little "things"in the shape of a cross that remind us of that one beautiful cross of all - the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. Hopefully this will completely captivate you like it did me. It baffles me to think that the Lord of everything takes such detail and delight in reminding us that we really ARE "fearfully and wonderfully made".

Mercy and grace to you all...

Monday, October 01, 2007

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 17:34:15 GMT

Provision...we as Christians are more than familiar with that word. We believe and have faith that our God is Jehovah Jireh...God, our Provider. We are reminded by the Apostle Paul in Phillipians 4 of this very thing. Indeed, our God DOES supply (provides) for all of our needs.

We also tend to think that this is mainly speaking of monitary needs, food, or shelter. Ahh...but, my friends, it goes way beyond that. What about how He provides His grace and mercy at "just the right time"? Or, how about those times when we are afraid, or worried, does He not provide His peace? Those times when laughter will not come, and tears flow freely...does He not provide us with His joy and His compassion? He knows exactly what we need at exactly the right time...not a minute too soon or too late.

I read something really neat and wanted to pass it on. Why not take time to reflect on those times God's hand of provision was more than obvious? Pick one specific time, and celebrate it...make an anniversary of it. This is what the early Jewish holidays, such as Passover, were based on. It will continually bring to mind the faithfulness of our God. Just a thought...

Mercy and grace to you all...

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 14:35:36 GMT

Isn't it interesting to think about the many times we defend ourselves. Think about the countless times you stood up for yourself, your family, or friends. I would dare say they are too many to count. Does it bother you, as it does me, when someone gets the wrong impression of you, or something you said or did...or how about what you believe in? It tends to cause that defensive part of us to come out. We get angry. We blow up. We "defend" ourselves...sometimes (most of the time) no matter what the cost. Just so we can prove or say we are right.

Today I read something that got me thinking. Here is the quote...

"It is our responsibility to live in His power and presence, speaking His truth to others while leaving the results to God. We can take comfort and rest in the fact that God does not need us to defend Him."

Hmm...He doesn't need us to defend Him. God's reputation isn't on the line. He doesn't need us to clarify to others what He is doing. God isn't concerned with "winning friends or influencing people". It gets back to the fact that God is GOD. Another quote I love is this...

"God doesn't NEED us. He CHOSE us."

God, in His grace and mercy, CHOOSES to use us. He CHOOSES to love us. He CHOOSES to call us His children. And, if God is "big enough" to choose us with all of our "stuff", don't you think He is simply...big enough? Amen?

Mercy and grace to you all!

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 17:40:57 GMT

Jeremiah 29:11-13...a very familiar passage of scripture.

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

These have to be 3 of my favorite bible verses. Yet...how many times have we heard these verses? I dare say too many to actually count. We've heard them when we need encouragement, or direction…or maybe something happens in our lives that causes us to wonder if we truly matter at all. I recently read the blog of a friend of mine, and it has gotten me thinking.

Along with these verses, how many times have we been asked the question, "Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?" It was especially commonplace in high school, or as a new college student. But, after reading this blog, it caused me to not only look ahead toward what God has in store for me, but to also look back at what He, in His grace and mercy, has walked me through.

I don't even have to go back the full 5 years to see the hand of God gently holding on to mine and leading me. Just 4 years ago, if you had told me that I would leave a position as a Veterinary Assistant, after working at a clinic for almost 10 years, I would have scoffed at the idea. Better still, I would have laughed if I could have started to see my path heading from veterinary assistant toward a managerial position with Chick-fil-A…food service???? Yeah, right. Yet, that is indeed where this chapter in my life has taken me.

Along the same line, reflecting back to just over a year ago, God's mercy and grace is beyond evident. To think that on a cold, drab, February night in 2006, I would come home from work and, to my shock, find my basically healthy father having died from a heart attack just mere moments before. To try understand the "whys" of this whole situation will never be. Why did my dad find out just 5 days before his death he was to be a first time grandfather? Why was it me, his daughter, who found him? Why was he alone when he went home to Jesus? These are questions that I will most certainly never know the answer to in this lifetime. BUT…what I can gain peace from lies in these 3 verses. Do I know what will come to pass in the next 5 years? The next 5 months? The next 5 days? …or how about even the next 5 minutes? No…only our God in Heaven knows the path our lives will take. So, when you DO have those times when you are anxious, allow me to share these with you once more. For when you are in that dry place, and you are longing to know the answers to the questions that lie deep within your heart, hold to this amazing promise our Heavenly Father gives us.

Mercy and grace toy ou all.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 14:07:20 GMT

This has been both a very fun, yet exhausting week and a half…with more to come at the end of this week. As I shared in my last blog, this particular month…into October…is full of both visits from family and friends, and travels of my own. I really hadn’t thought about blogging too much this week, with everything going on around me, but after reading the “daily bible verse” on my profile page, it got me thinking.

Similar thoughts actually began swirling around Friday at work. Then, yesterday our pastor spoke on purity…both in and out of marriage, and the struggle with today’s culture to maintain that, and remain a woman or man of virtue. Finally, when I simply logged in and took a quick peek at my page, I read the verse that is on there for today. ..Ephesians 5:25. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

After reading this verse, I got to thinking… Lord, what are you trying to say? You see, for those of you not in the Tennessee area…or the southeastern part of the country itself…and may not be aware, we are in an extreme drought. The Nashville area is reaching over 14” below normal for the year already, and we are not even through September, one of our driest months. You can look around this state, and our nation as a whole, and it is more than evident than ever that “something” is going on. Like was shared earlier, these thoughts began Friday after reading an article in our local paper. It was regarding the drought and how this area needs to join together in praying and fasting for it to come to an end, and to ask God what He would say to us. This was something that the Lord has placed on the heart of someone extremely well respected in the Christian music industry, Michael W. Smith. He even went as far as to record a public service announcement that has began airing on our local Christian radio stations calling on the body of Christ to unite together and join in praying and fasting for this increasingly dangerous situation. It isn’t something that was done lightly. It certainly isn’t the “norm”. He even shared in the article that he is expecting and is ready for any backlash that may come out from this. Of course, this also made local tv news reports…one I found disheartening. Our local ABC-TV affiliate called 12 local churches in the area, and out of those dozen, only 1 had asked their congregation to pray for rain. Doesn’t 2 Chronicles teach us that if we call on God, and repent, He will hear our cry, and heal our land?

I’m not one to get on any kind of bandwagon, but I think this is one worth getting a ticket for. Could it be that (as stories we have heard in the Old Testament) our God is trying to speak to us? Are we simply too busy trying to figure out a way to fix things that we have neglected taking time to listen and hear? It honestly doesn’t take a very hard look at today’s society to see the need for true repentence, and to see all the ungodliness that exists in our culture. Again, I am not one to dwell on “doom and gloom”, but along with the grace, mercy, and love of God…He is also a jealous, righteous, and Holy God, and we can not ignore those things spoken against in the Bible, and continue living day to day as we wish.

So, I’d like to encourage you to prayerfully consider what Michael W. Smith has shared from his heart. Maybe it is time to unite as one body, and pray not only for rain…even a HEALING rain, but that God would speak clearly, and that we would have ears to hear.

If you’d like to read the article in our local paper, here is the link:

http://www.rctimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070823/ENTERTAINMENT06/70823049/0/ENTERTAINMENT06

Mercy and grace to you all.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 14:04:34 GMT

I was well aware that the next couple weeks were going to be full schedule wise…not so much with work, but with work AND fun stuff. July, August, part of September, and October were watermarked with dates scheduled for friends from out of town, and family adventures. Of course, July brought a long awaited first visit of my nephew to this area…an AMAZING time. August is looking to be full from start to finish. I have 2 friends from out of town that are able to share some time here in Nash-vegas, one of which is currently already here, the other coming at the end of the month, and staying into the first couple days of September. August is also bringing a visit from one of my uncles, as well…which I am excited for, because it will be time well needed for mom. Then, we march on into October, as we look forward to celebrating the 1^st birthday of my nephew!! I can NOT believe he is turning 1 already!! Time sure flies!!! WHEW! That said, I was uncertain as to how much and how often I’d be able to blog. Yesterday at church, to say the service was incredible is an understatement. I’m not even going to attempt to paraphrase, because it won’t come close to bringing it justice. It was a message on forgiveness, and releasing wrongs that had been done. Sounds cliché, I know, and we have ALL heard sermons on this subject…but this was somehow different. Let me just leave you with one of the scripture passages that was read from. Please, pay special attention to the words in italics. Maybe it won’t have the same impact on you as it did me, but consider the words carefully in the last part of verse 13.

Colossians 3:12-17

“12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

Mercy and grace to you all!

Monday, August 13, 2007

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 00:02:56 GMT

My apologies to everyone for not posting on here before now. To be honest, I wasn't completely sure how many people were actually stopping by and checking this journal out. Plus, a "repeat" of this very entry is on my personal myspace, as well...which most of you already have. BUT...I feel that this journal needs to be updated at the same time. Hence, the new post. Enjoy and be blessed!

It seems like it has been forever since I’ve last blogged, and feel like I am way overdue. Most of you know of the goings on in my life, so I try not to bore you too much by putting it down in blog form. But, these thoughts come from those “fresh reminders” that always seem to pop up when you least expect it, and always at just the right time. At the same time, I struggle with, and want what I say to be of substance…to make a difference…to encourage…or at least make you think. Hopefully, this will do just that…

2 Tim 2:13 “If we are faithless, HE remains faithful…”

How many times do I get distracted in this life? How many times are my affections turned to something other than the face of Christ? How many times do I “blow it”? How many times do I feel like there is no way that He can still love me? As one famous Pixar character said appropriately enough, “To infinity and beyond…” (Well, maybe it wasn’t in this context…)

YET…on the other side of the coin, how many times do we see His hand of mercy and grace provide for a need above and beyond our expectations? How many times do we hear His sweet voice say to us that there truly is NOTHING we can do to cause Him to EVER stop loving us. Honestly, will we ever be able to comprehend or “get it”? There is NOTHING that will keep Him from loving or pursuing us!!

Why? The answer lies in this simple verse. Because it is HE that first loved US. AND…even when WE are faithless, HE remains faithful. His love NEVER changes. A quote I love is this, “He can never love us any more than He does at this very moment. And at the same time, He will never love us any less.”

Mercy and grace to you all!